‘Raven’ About Quality Scores

Once upon a Monday dreary, while I entered a search query
Into Google, haven of quaint volumes of forgotten lore
While I nodded, nearly napping, I considered words, which tapping
Brought forth ads attention trapping, trapping my attention’s core
‘Tis a trickster,’ this I muttered, ‘trapping my attention’s core
Only this, and nothing more.’

Ah, distinctly I remember, it was July or December,
When the advert’s dying ember printed on my memory store
Eagerly, I clicked to follow, seeking to receive tomorrow
Copies of ‘The Mask Of Zorro’, a movie that I adore,
For the rare and radiant maiden, Catherine – she whom I adore
Ever since she first I saw

As I passed onto the webpage, suddenly I felt a great rage,
Anger’s dagger thrust in me, through my heart it brutally tore
No delivery tomorrow, I discovered to my sorrow,
The parcel would later follow, follow to my home’s front door
‘What of claims you made,’ I cried out, ‘to deliver to my door
The next day, if not before?’

Presently, my soul grew stronger, turning lassitude to anger,
‘Sir,’ said I, ‘Or madam. Your advert gave me rancour.
I shall not this film be buying, your false promise left me sighing
Even a part of me was dying, all for Cath whom I adore!
She who starred in America’s Sweethearts, raven beauty I adore
Now I shall see her no more!’

Deep into my dark soul peering, I thought of adverts, that endearing
Led consumers gladly cheering, to that company’s distant shore
Beating Adwords could be easy, to write adverts that, though cheesy
Make promises to tease me, tease me to their website store?
This I decided to trial then, increase clicks to my own store
With untrue claims, base and poor.

Back to my computer turning, all my soul within me burning,
Again I started writing adverts, with more vigour than before
‘Surely,’ said I, ‘this will work well, though visitors think it hell,
Nonetheless with it I shall sell, this ad shall be my cat’s paw
Tricking customers with untruths, this ad shall be my cat’s paw
Empty wind, and nothing more’

As my adverts became alive, I doubted not that they would thrive,
My cost per sale would start to dive, dive below its previous floor,
Not the least doubt pierced my soul yet, my expectations would be met,
I detected not the least threat, my campaign would start to soar.
For my advert was compelling – hence my sales would no doubt soar
But my sales remained quite poor.

As I watched with mounting fear, my ad began to disappear
Falling down the SERPs descending, past competitors it tore.
Turning to my bust of Larry, on my knees I begged ‘don’t tarry –
Tell me why this pain I carry – tell me now, I do implore!’
Vainly waiting for an answer to the question I implore
Quoth Larry ‘Quality Score’.

Much I marvelled this ungainly statue to hear discourse plainly
Though its answer little meaning – little relevancy bore
Nothing further then he uttered, even though my mind was cluttered
Even yet I quietly muttered, ‘Larry, your thoughts I’d explore –
What is this thing that you speak of – something that I must explore.
What is this Quality Score?’

Larry spoke, unlike a raven – if one did enter my haven
He would not offer advice far beyond a raucous caw.
‘If you want your adverts high, there is one thing left to try –
Keep your relevancy high – lest your ads remain as poor’
You who sought to game the system, have been penalised as poor
Thus repair your Quality Score’

‘Wretch’, cried Larry, ‘Don’t be evil, lest you turn into a devil
Adwords must be used for good, so put the product at the core
Don’t let greed make you dishonest, deliver all that you have promised
Or your adverts will be dismissed – this has been your fatal flaw
Make good on all claims that you make, don’t let greed become your flaw’
This he said, and nothing more

‘Thanks Larry’ I said, then turning to my PC, once more burning
With the need to do no evil, wrote ads whose motive was pure
So it was I typed with relish, telling truths I’d not embellished,
Lest my ads fell to that hellish place they’d seen the day before
Clicks I gained thus were not worthless, worthless like they’d been before
Thus I saw conversions soar

The bust of Larry, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On my desk – it still reminds me of the lessons learned before
So it is I sit here writing, cautioning against inviting
new techniques that sound exciting but harm your Quality Score
Relevancy is the answer; don’t risk your Quality Score
I will do so Never More.